


Contact

by warqueenfuriosa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Gender Neutral, M/M, Other, Rated teen for language, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warqueenfuriosa/pseuds/warqueenfuriosa
Summary: After a history of abuse, Reader doesn’t like to be touched. When Poe finds out, he does his best to ensure that Reader is comfortable around him. (gender neutral)(The abuse mentioned in this fic is non-specific and vague. It could be emotional, physical, or both. Nothing is detailed.)





	Contact

Poe feeds off of touch. Looping an arm around Finn’s neck in a mock wrestling match. Bumping and jostling other pilots in foot races to their x-wings. Over the past year, I had spent more and more time around Poe, and yet still managed to maintain my preferred bubble of personal space.

I should have known that wouldn’t last.

It was late and the docking bay of D’Qar had emptied out to a lazy hum of activity. Poe, Finn, Rey, and a handful of other pilots and mechanics were on their way to the cantina at the outskirts of the base. Poe noticed where I was working towards the back of the bay on a transport ship and he jogged over.

“We’re headed to the cantina to cool off,” he said. “You wanna come?”

“No, thanks,” I said, gesturing with my wrench. “I have a few things to finish up.”

“You sure? I could help. Get the job done twice as fast.”

“I’ve got it covered. You probably shouldn’t make them wait too much longer. They might leave without you.” I nodded to the small group lingering at the mouth of the docking bay.

I didn’t see it coming. I had no time to prepare myself. Poe took a step towards me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

“Maybe another time then,” he said. “Don’t work yourself too hard, all right? It can wait until morning.”

I could barely hear him past the roar of shock that someone else’s arm was around my shoulders so suddenly. I kept people at a distance, watching for signs of incoming contact so I could plan an escape. But Poe had taken me by surprise and I went rigid as a board, heart fluttering into my throat on a surge of panic.

Then I forced myself to focus, squirming out from under Poe’s arm.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” I didn’t meet his eye as I turned back to the ship’s open panel.

Poe hesitated. I could feel him watching me, an impending question on the rise.

_Please go away, please go away._

“Is…everything okay?” he said. “You look a little spooked.”

_Shit._

“I’m fine,” I replied, head down, tools in hand, hoping it was obvious I didn’t wish to continue this conversation.

But Poe wasn’t about to give up that fast. He never did.

“Hey, if I – “

The moment his fingers caught my elbow, I flinched, jerked out of reach, wrench raised halfway to striking. A split second of fear crossed my face but I couldn’t hide it fast enough. He saw it. He knew.

Poe’s jaw clenched. “Somebody hurt you.”

“Don’t,” I hissed, casting a glance over his shoulder to the group behind him. They weren’t within hearing range but I still didn’t want to discuss it, especially with Poe.

“Was it someone on base? Because if it was, I’ll – “

“ _Stop._ It was a long time ago. Old news. Nothing to worry about.”

Poe waited, studying me.

“Quit looking at me like that,” I said, clutching my wrench with both hands, the cold metal comforting in my grip, safe, solid, familiar.

“You just jumped sky high when all I did was touch your elbow. I’d say that’s something to worry about.”

“It’s…I’m not used to much physical contact. That’s all.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” he said softly. “Ever.”

“How am I supposed to know that?”

I bit my lip at the automatic reply. I should have brushed him off with a vague comment instead of saying that. It was as good as admitting that I still struggled on a daily basis no matter how old the wounds were.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” I whispered, scrubbing at a streak of grease on my knuckles.

Poe started to stretch his hand out in an attempt to reassure me. Then he realized what he was doing and snatched his hand back.

“Won’t breathe a word of it,” he said. “And if you’d like to talk – “

“I don’t.”

“Right. Well, you’re still welcome to join us. Alcohol, gambling, might be a nice distraction. And I won’t go anywhere near your elbows, cross my heart.”

I laughed a little despite my still-racing pulse. “I appreciate the offer but I’d prefer some peace and quiet for a few hours.”

Poe nodded as he backed up. “If you decide to change your mind, I’ll save you a seat.”

***

Poe always saved a seat for me. The next morning at breakfast in the mess hall, I had considered skipping out entirely. There were enough rations in my pack that I could get by until lunch at least and I wouldn’t have to face Poe after what he knew.

But when I stepped into the mess hall, Poe waved me down as he usually did. There was a space on the bench beside him that had been left empty despite the nearly full table of people that had joined him.

I slid into the last available seat and Poe pushed a tray of food towards me.

“Did you get your peace and quiet last night?” he said, his voice low enough for only me to hear.

I nodded but before I could respond, Finn rushed up to the table. He rounded the corner to where I was seated and clutched both of my shoulders in his excitement. I shriveled in my seat.

“You missed it!” he said, eyes bright. “Poe was obliterated at strip sabacc and had to do the walk of shame all the way back to base in just his boots.”

I was too busy trying to remain calm with Finn’s grip on my shoulders to say anything about Poe’s misfortune. When I remained silent for a beat too long, showing no signs of enjoyment at Finn’s news like I normally would have, Finn’s face fell. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Poe watching me, noticing the way I’d locked up. He ripped off a piece of bread and chucked it at Finn’s head.

“That’s because you cheated, Big Deal,” he said.

“Take that back,” Finn said, pretending to be insulted.

He released me and turned on Poe, quickly getting caught up in what seemed to be the same good-natured argument they’d had the night before.

“Why don’t you just play another round?” Rey put in. “Settle the score.”

Finn shook his head. “I intend to draw out my victory for as long as possible.”

Poe glanced at me with an apologetic look. “Sorry,” he whispered as Finn and Rey continued talking. “He gets carried away sometimes.”

“I can see that.”

“Are you all right?”

“Give me a minute.”

I pressed my eyes shut for a moment and dragged my hand up to the table, grabbed my fork like a weapon to stabilize myself. It felt better to hold onto something, to go through normal, everyday motions in an effort to smother the feeling of my control gradually slipping away.

Poe retrieved his cup of caf, elbows propped on the table, and even though his attention was expressly directed everywhere else but me, I could tell by the way he wasn’t taking part in any of the various conversations that he was still waiting for my confirmation.

He shifted in his seat and his knee came within an inch of touching mine before he purposefully angled his body in the opposite direction to prevent any accidental contact.

I took in a steadying breath and released it, stabbing at my breakfast.

“Better?” Poe said under his breath as he casually scrubbed a hand over his cheek. He was covering for me, deflecting attention I didn’t need while I calmed myself down.

“Yes.” I paused and a small smile spread across my lips. “Although I’m disappointed I missed the walk of shame.”

“Shit,” he muttered. “That will never happen again.”

“Did anyone record this once in a lifetime event?”

“You wish.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Think what you want,” he said. “You’re not getting anything out of me.”

I ducked my head to stifle a laugh and the lingering chill of dread finally melted, disappeared.

In the docking bay last night, when Poe had whispered those three words with soft, pained realization – _somebody hurt you_ – I had expected things to change now that he knew.

But it seemed as if everything remained the same. The usual light banter back and forth without hesitation. A reserved seat at the table no matter where we were, providing reassurance that I was welcome, that I belonged.

Poe cast a glance at me as he leaned back, one hand resting on top of his thigh, relaxed, casual now that he no longer needed to cover for me.

“What is it?” he said. “You’re looking at me funny.”

 _Thank you,_ I wanted to say. _Thank for keeping my secret instead of exposing what I wish I could forget._

The table was crowded though and I didn’t want to run the risk of being overheard. Instead, I squinted at him, gesturing with my fork.

“Just trying to imagine you in nothing but your boots,” I said.

“I got it on holovid!” Finn volunteered, holding up the holodrive with triumph.

“Give me that – “

Poe swiped for it but Finn danced out of reach, laughing.

***

A few weeks later, I pulled the short straw and got the night shift. It was boring as hell with rarely any ships coming in but it was quiet and there were very few people around, a world of difference from the usual bustle of the base during daylight hours.

Tonight, there were no ships scheduled to come in for repairs for at least two hours. So I settled in, my back against a crate on the landing pad to shield me from the cool breeze kicking up.

An hour into my shift, Poe came out, carrying a cup of caf in each hand.

“Heard you got stuck with the midnight runners,” he said as he offered me one of the cups.

I accepted it, wrapping my fingers around the welcome warmth. Poe remained standing, shoulders hunched against the chill.

I shrugged. “I don’t really mind.”

“No one to bother you.”

“Present company excluded of course.” I patted the ground. “Saved you a seat.”

A flicker of hesitation made Poe waver where he stood. Then he seemed to come to a decision and sat beside me, a careful six inches of space between us.

I swirled my caf in my cup and studied it for a full minute before I spoke.

“You haven’t asked,” I said. “About what happened to make me so skittish.”

“None of my business.” He paused, tilted his head back to look at the sky. “Did you want me to?”

“Not really.”

“Then I won’t.”

I glanced at him, studying his profile, the lights from the docking bay casting his silhouette in silver.

“Why did you come out here?” I said softly, my finger tracing the rim of my cup.

“Because you’re pulling an all-nighter and you needed caffeine.”

I waited for more but he didn’t seem inclined to continue. Then he turned his head to meet my gaze.

“And I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he added. “But I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

I frowned, concern pooling hot in my gut. Was this what I had been dreading for so long? The moment when things would change and Poe would look at me differently after all?

“I’m listening,” I said, wariness tugging at my words.

Poe considered his caf before setting it aside with a sigh. He crossed his arms, sliding a little further down to the ground.

“During my time with the Resistance,” he said. “I’ve had to go through some hellish tight spots. Held against my will. Manipulated. Tortured. Brainwashed. You name it.”

I grimaced. Stories constantly floated around the docking bay and mess hall of the horrors that surrounded the First Order. I was only a mechanic and I dreaded what would happen if the base was ever captured.

“Hey, no, no,” Poe said quickly at my expression. “I didn’t say that to scare you.”

“Well it’s not exactly comforting.”

“What I meant was that I know it messes with your head. You feel helpless. You have no control. You keep reliving it even after the danger’s long gone.”

I didn’t reply and pulled my coat a little tighter around me.

“And then you blame yourself,” Poe said, so quietly I almost missed it.

I swallowed, turning away from him to look down the landing pad even though there were no ships coming in.

Poe shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around my shoulders, careful that his fingers didn’t accidentally brush against me.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said. “To anyone. But try not to blame yourself, okay?” He paused. “So that’s what I came out here for. And because you really did need the caf.”

Slowly, I released a long, shaky breath. But my throat was still too tight to speak, let alone turn to look at him.

“Anyway,” Poe said. “I’ll get going.”

“No,” I said. “Please.”

A heartbeat of silence.

Poe sank to the ground beside me. Finally, I faced him. For the longest time, I had been scared to trust anyone in case I made the same mistake and it turned out to be the wrong person again. It was easier to keep everyone at a safe distance.

As I looked at Poe now, I wondered if maybe it didn’t have to be that way.

“I know,” he ventured, “that touch isn’t really your thing but if…”

He trailed off and held his arms out. I set my caf aside and eased into him, his arms coming around me lightly so I didn’t feel trapped.

It was strange at first, allowing myself to be hugged when less than a week ago I was ready to clock him with a wrench for touching my elbow. But the longer I stayed there, my cheek resting over his heart, his chin brushing the top of my head, I realized I wasn’t planning on how to break the contact as soon as possible.

All I wanted was to stay right here and never move again.

***

When I slid into the empty seat beside Poe the next morning at breakfast, I noticed the change almost immediately. He placed his hand on the bench behind me, his arm providing support for me if I leaned back. It sent a shiver rippling across my skin but not from dread this time.

“Is this okay?” he said in a low voice as he looked down at me.

I nodded and the pure, unbridled relief that melted through him was clearly visible.

“If it’s not – “

I surprised myself by touching his cheek with two fingers. He raised his eyebrows and fell silent.

“Believe me, I’d tell you if it wasn’t,” I said.

“I’m sure you would. But I’d like to avoid getting hit with a wrench, thank you.”

“Then behave yourself and you should be fine. I’m still getting used to this physical contact thing.”

Poe started to pull away but I pressed my knee into his, purposefully showing him he wasn’t the only one who wanted touch.

He studied my face for a moment. I tugged my tray of food closer, picking over my breakfast, my knee still pressed to his. After a while, he propped his elbow on the table and his arm remained braced behind me to lean into if I wanted.

In the weeks that followed, it became routine for Poe to ask permission before every instance of contact. His hand would come within an inch of cupping my elbow when he would stop, glance at me.

“May I?”

Only after I nodded did he carry through and take my elbow or wrap an arm around my shoulders.

I never thought the contact might lead to something else that I wasn’t prepared for.

Poe’s squadron came screaming in with a victory against the First Order and the entire base was on the landing pad to congratulate them. I lingered at the outskirts, away from the crush of people.

Poe climbed out of his x-wing, descending into the churning mass of people around him. His skin was flushed, hair clinging to his forehead with sweat, and a blindingly bright smile spread across his face as he hugged everyone he could reach.

After a moment or two, he spotted me on the far side of the landing pad. I raised a hand with a modest wave but that wasn’t enough for him. He forged his way through the crowd, both arms spread wide, and he _ran_. Straight for me.

He caught me up in his arms with such force that I stumbled back a step to catch my balance. A flare of panic ignited in my chest at how tight his embrace was, nothing like the loose breath of touch that Poe had so carefully maintained during the past few months. He drew back and I sucked in a gasp of air, blinking, stunned.

Then he took my face in his hands and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I swayed where I stood, my hands raised defensively, palms out, ready to push him away on instinct. Poe didn’t notice. He was already on his way back to the crowd and his squadron.

He skidded to a stop. Spun around, his eyes wide with realization.

“Force, I didn’t ask,” he said. “I didn’t – _shit,_ I should’ve asked.” He reached for my hand only to hesitate halfway, searching my face. “I didn’t mean – I didn’t think and that was – “

“You just…surprised me,” I replied.

When the doubt in Poe’s eyes remained, I stepped towards him and slid my arms around his neck. He blew out a breath, his hands coming to rest at my waist as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck and shoulder.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered.

Poe pulled away and brought one hand up to my cheek, not quite touching. I leaned into his palm and gulped at how different this kind of contact was. It wasn’t like that night on the landing pad. It wasn’t like every meal we shared in the mess hall, sitting side by side.

This was… _warmer_. Close. So close that any words dared to be spoken could only be whispered.

My gaze dropped to the hollow of his throat, fingers drifting down to curl into the collar of his flight suit. My palm settled at the back of his neck, my thumb gliding up into his hair.

At the end of every day, when I was alone in my room, exhausted after dodging so much potential contact, I dreamed about something like this, the closeness of it, comfort and intimacy. But I never thought it could be mine. It was a fantasy, impossible and unrealistic, requiring trust to come true that I couldn’t give.

As I stood there, Poe’s arms circling me lightly, I realized Poe had already earned my trust a long time ago. And if I wanted my impossible dreams to become real, I could accept it. Poe had been offering it all this time.

I rose up on tiptoe, pulled Poe down to me and kissed him.

***

Poe stopped asking after that. But he still glanced at me every once in a while with that question in his eyes.

_Is this okay?_

And I would worm in a little closer to him with my own unspoken response.

_Yes, it is._

But I knew there was one thing he would not ask. He was leaving it up to me to decide. And it took months before I could work up the courage to say it.

When I finally asked, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. The mess hall was mostly empty at such a late hour and we were the only two at our table. I sat with my back to his chest, his hand draped over my hip.

He kissed the top of my head and shifted with a tired sigh.

“Should probably get to bed,” he said. “Another full day tomorrow.”

And even though I had been thinking about it for weeks, planning a dozen separate ways I could pose the question, I was still surprised when it came out of my mouth.

“Would you…like to stay with me tonight?”

Poe froze. My heart surged up my throat, waiting for a response.

“…yes,” he finally said with an uncertain lilt to his tone. “Unless you’re – “

I stood, tugging on his hand. “We’d better move then. Before I lose my nerve.”

Poe didn’t budge. I boomeranged back to him and he slipped his arm around my middle.

“You know there’s no rush, right?” he said, looking up at me as I stood beside him.

“Yes.”

“And you can change your mind. At any time.”

“Okay.”

“Then why are you shaking like a leaf, sweetheart?”

I brushed a wayward curl from his forehead, stalling for time as I considered my answer.

“If you weren’t sure,” he added, “you wouldn’t have said anything. I get that. But I don’t…” He fumbled, searching. “I don’t _expect_ this – or anything – from you.”

I placed my hands on either side of his face and kissed him, firm, unwavering.

“I know,” I whispered. “And my offer still stands.”

Poe pushed his tray aside and rose from the table. He studied me for a moment and I took his wrist, pulling his arm over my shoulder, tucking myself in against his side.

The closer we got to my quarters, the more butterflies took wing in my stomach. And once Poe stepped over the threshold, the door swishing shut behind him, I inhaled a deep, steadying breath. My quarters had always been my safe space, the one place where no one could reach me if I didn’t want them to.

Now I had allowed Poe in, allowed him past every protective measure I had built around myself for years. His palm skimmed down the back of my head to rest at the nape of my neck as he nuzzled at my ear.

“The minute you say stop, we’ll stop,” he said softly.

I nodded, swallowed hard. Poe’s knuckles drifted down my arm and his fingers closed around my wrist. He brought my hand up, turned it over, his breath warm against my palm.

“Can I kiss you here?” he said.

It was almost ridiculous to hear him ask now when he had kissed my palm a thousand times before until it was commonplace and I didn’t think twice about it. But I nodded anyway. He wouldn’t do it if I didn’t say yes.

After he kissed my palm, his mouth trailed up to the inside of my wrist.

“What about here?” he said.

“Ye-es.” The word trembled a little on a hiccup of surprise at, _oh,_ the softness of his mouth against my paper thin, sensitive skin.

He moved further along my arm to the inside of my elbow and when I said yes, I squirmed at the soft ticklish press of his mouth. He hummed with laughter, his free hand curving around my hip.

But when he was at my shoulder and his gaze slowly met mine…

“And here?” he said.

I shook my head, just to toy with him a little. “No.”

A flicker of concern darted across his eyes, the first time I had told him no in a long while. I could feel him retreating, his hand beginning to slide away from my hip. I tapped my cheek.

“Try here,” I said.

Poe smiled and dove in without hesitation, fingertips settled so lightly at the side of my neck as he kissed my cheek. He rested his forehead against mine and as he shifted closer, his hand slipping from my hip to the small of my back, I barely touched two fingers to my mouth.

“Here,” I said, a mere breath in that small, small space between us.

For a moment, he paused, searching my face. Then his gaze fell to my mouth and he kissed me so sweetly that I was the one who asked for more, pushing his lips open, tracing the line of his teeth with my tongue.

“Everywhere,” I rasped, barely pulling away to speak. “Kiss me everywhere.”

***

The cantina was chaos. I lingered at the door, searching, until I found Poe’s table in the corner and plunged into the mass of bodies. My shoulders hunched up against the onslaught of contact with people I didn’t know.

Poe patted the empty seat beside him and I slid into it with a breath of relief.

“Thought you might’ve decided to skip out,” he said.

“I almost did. There are _a lot_ of people here.”

Poe circled an arm around my shoulders, pulling me back against him. After a minute or two, I slowly relaxed, leaning into him as his thumb brushed up and down my arm.

“Everything okay?” he asked, nosing at my hair.

I turned and kissed the curve of his neck, just below his ear.

“Yes,” I said, smiling up at him. “Everything’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!! Feel free to come scream with me about the gorgeous perfection of Poe Dameron on tumblr at @warqueenfuriosa


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